hump day. motivated by success and completions but i know motivation can only take you so far: that’s something i only learned recently.
when i was younger and in high school, motivation was always held to a high standard, and meant you could do anything. discipline is what should’ve been held higher. s/o to teddy for that reminder lol.
anyways, about this song; i been needing a banger. something that hits in the car and the club. i still somewhat feel this may not be that club banger yet, but you never know. i remember we was at clubs screaming the lyrics to no role modelz when it played…and so was everyone else lol.
i took myself mentally back to when i made a trip out to kinder, la to the casino. me, d, jeff and kyle. i remember we walked in and i’ve never been to the casino (despite being over 21 for a minute now) and feeling fresh air. as soon as the door opened, that top of the line a/c hit and all i seen were lights and life. just life.
it felt like what i think las vegas would look like but in a building. i haven’t been there yet. but just so many lights, it was dope. the song blinding lights - weeknd played in my head seeing all the shit happening. any and everyone was there, dressed from sweats to suits.
im a night owl so a lot of activity at night somehow thrills me. i immediately start drawing so much inspiration in my head for designs, videos and music. it was legit like a wonderland of lights and maybe i’m exaggerating but this is what it felt like being there the first 1-2 hours.
where the song comes in, i stayed at roulette for nearly the whole time. i was winning, calling numbers, black and red whenever i felt, and most times whatever i felt and said, would hit. i was riding with a heater for a minute. the song talks about that and our trip with a few shoutouts, but mainly me venting about some old relationships.
when you breakup with someone you were close to, and stop talking, it feels like they’re dead. so you have grief. it comes and goes here and there but let’s be honest, it never really leaves your mind. maybe that’s just me being an overthinking mf (and a virgo) prominently, but i use that shit to fuel my creativity. now there’s other things too but that’s just one of them.
mind you, it had been less than a year since my last relationship at that time but i was already in the fuck it phase and got over it mostly. so that’s where the “fuck a bitch don’t need her” line comes from. rest of the song tells the story of girl i knew who became a stripper and i rolled with it.
anyways, whoever’s reading, i hope you enjoyed the read. my vulnerability is your entertainment lol.
heater will be dropping 9.16.22 (so long as editorial submissions go well)